Childhood regrets

I started The Kite Runner finally. I wanted to read it since a long time. I have only been through the first 30 pages of the book and I had to take a break because it is so good! Actually, it reminds me of some of my own childhood experiences which don't make me too proud of myself. They reach out to me time to time to remind me what a human I am. I thought I should give them material forms this time...


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I was in the 2nd grade. I was writing some exam. In the same hall there were students of another grade too. Given my hardly observable sense of observation, I didn't know which was the other class combined with ours until I finished my paper.
I always, well, almost always, finished my paper before time in school. (Sometimes in college too when I got tired of faking knowledge!) I was a 'good' student in school. I never stood first in my class and never was my rank below the third. I would have stood first only if my teachers would notice me before the results were declared. School is very childish actually.
Anyways, I finished my paper and the bell just wasn't ringing. I checked my paper two or three times. (I don't really remember but I'm sure I was stupid enough to have done it.) I played with my pencils and eraser. (Thankfully!) Then I looked up and took notice of the rest of the class. Half of them were the faces I knew but the names of only half of which I had 'understood'. (I was unthinkably socially-dumb!) Rest of the class I didn't know. Those kids were smaller than me so I assumed they must be KG students.
I turned behind. I spoke to my class-mate who was trying to finish her paper. I have no recollection and I just can't figure out what the hell was I talking about to her in the middle of our exams and what the hell was the invigilator doing!
There was a little girl sitting next to her. She had a perfect round face, she was very fair and had plaited her hair into two pony-tails behind her ears. And she had big eyes. She must have been a Sikh. I looked at her blank answer sheet. She hadn't scribbled a word on her paper. I was aghast with shock! Didn't she know the concept of an exam? I told my friend about her and she too wondered what was wrong with this little girl. We asked her which class she belonged to. She said nothing. She only kept looking at us turn by turn as we spoke to her with her huge dark eyes. Gradually, a sense of supiriority/seniority complex overtook my bewilderment and I almost started mocking at the poor innocent child. I was telling her, "Don't you want to pass? How will you get marks? Do you know nothing? Didn't you study anything?" (where was the invigilator man?)
She didn't say a word. I stopped when I saw those big dark eyes welling up with tears. And something has just stopped there since then. I still find myself sitting in front of this chubby-cheeked, neat but dumbly innocent child, looking at me, the tears almost ready to overflow at the borders of the eyes that don't get off me...
Why did I have to be so hard on the poor kid? I just regret it so much...


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Again, in the 1st or 2nd grade, (Wow! I was from Chucky's cult or what!) I had a friend called Raji. Well, not exactly a friend cuz she would remain even more quiter than me and she was stupider than me, then. But we did sit together occasionally and exchanged a few stupid jokes. She was the only person that I bullied on, ever. I just remember I slapped her on her back once. She said something stupid and I was trying to show her I was angry, I wasn't. I knew I was just bullying her. I'm so sorry Raji... If you ever happen to stumble upon this paragraph on the net, just know that I am so so so sorry.